The Meaning of Freedom
by Kodokunatsuki
Summary: Eight years after the Winter War, a mysterious girl appears on the Kuchiki grounds with no memory of who she is. What if Tosen and Ichimaru weren't Aizen's only shinigami followers? Warings; slight gore & violence.


**The Meaning of Freedom**

**A/N: This is a piece that sort of flowed out on its own. In the beginning, the OC was someone completely different than who she turned out to be. I tried to stay in character with all the canon people, and I think I succeeded. When I started writing, I had no idea why things were happening - they just did, and I like the way it turned out. I took liberties with the Royal Guard, since we don't really know anything about them. I tried to make it kind of surreal, and I'm not sure if I succeeded. I hope you enjoy, and please review!**

**XOXOXOX**

Darkness, spots of bright light, screaming, thrashing, pain. That was the last thing - the only thing - I remembered. Now it was calm, quiet. I could hear cicadas around me, and I was lying face down on cool, damp grass. My body ached all over. A light breeze moved across my back.

I turned my head and opened my eyes. The scene before me seemed almost ethereal, and a drew myself up on my knees to see it better. The sky was the dark blue of the very early morning, before the sun's rays even began to peek over the horizon. The moon was bright and full, casting a pale, shimmery light over everything. I was in a clearing, cherry trees in full blossom all around me. A small stream ran nearby, splashing over smooth pebbles. Other than the stream, cicadas, and rustling wind, no sound could be heard.

I looked down at myself. I was wearing a plain, soft yukata, the same color as the deep sky. My obi was pure white silk. My feet, when I looked back at them, were bare. My pale skin had a strange luminescence in the moonlight. I pulled my hair around to look at it. It was dark, dark brown, smooth and long and straight.

I got to my feet, unsteady and sore. I turned to walk to the stream - my throat was parched - but drew my foot back when it landed on something hard. I bent down and picked it up. I was a katana. Everything about it - even the blade, when I pulled it out to observe it - was pure black.

I walked over to the stream, holding the sheathed katana in my hand, setting it down next to me when I knelt by the bank to scoop up a handful of water. I drank it greedily, some of the cold liquid escaping down my chin and forearms. I wiped my chin, then bent over again to scoop up a second handful.

"Who are you?"

The voice came from behind me. It was deep, cold, and deadly serious. I jerked, the water splashing back into the stream, and whirled my body around, straining my spine to see who had spoken.

He was tall, and right behind me, so I had to bend my neck far back to see his face. He was wearing a dark yukata with an over robe. He had five white kenseikans clamped into his black hair, and cold grey eyes.

"I asked you a question," he said, his voice as cold and hard as his eyes.

"Uh," I said, my voice hoarse from lack of use and thirst.

His eyes narrowed. "I will not repeat myself. Now answer me." The air felt like it was pressing in on me. He was causing it, somehow.

"D-don't know," I rasped in response, and then the world twisted and went black.

**XOXOXOX**

I stirred slowly, gradually becoming aware of the world around me. My eyes fluttered open, just barely taking in the blurry shapes above me before I squeezed them shut again, not liking the bright morning light. I lifted my arms up and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.

"So you're awake now," a voice said, above me and to the side. It was a different voice than before, softer and lighter, although still formal. It wasn't at all cold, unlike his, and definitely female. I cracked open my eyelids again, relaxing them as I got used to the light.

A young woman was kneeling next to the soft futon I was currently laying on. The floors were tatami mats and the doors - there were two - were sliding rice paper doors. There was a low table with a cushion before it and a bookshelf on either side against the wall, and a bureau against the opposite.

The young woman was sitting on a cushion. She wore a peach sleeping yukata. Her shoulder-length hair was black and sprayed outward from her neck, and a lock of it fell across her face. Her eyes were large, round, and violet, and looked kind, unlike his.

"Hello," she said gently. "You've been out for quite a while." I sat up slowly, looking around the room again, this time taking in the personal touches – a katana on a display rack, a wall hanging depicting a beautiful Ki-lin, a lavender blanket at the foot of the futon, a small collection of framed photographs on the bureau and wall. I saw him in a few of them, dressed in a black kimono and white haori, a pale blue scarf resting around his shoulders.

"You're in my bedroom," the young woman said. "Nii-sama found you in our garden, and brought you in. How are you feeling?"

I looked at her, uncomprehending for a moment, then realized what she'd said. So, she was his sister. She didn't seem much like him. "Sore," I said, my voice still slightly hoarse. "and thirsty."

The woman got up and went over to the low table, where a cup of tea was sitting, steam drifting up from it. "Here," she said, coming back and handing it to me.

I took a careful sip, keeping one eye on her. "Who are you?" I asked.

"Rukia. Kuchiki Rukia," the woman said. "Nii-sama is Kuchiki Byakuya, head of the Kuchiki House and captian of Sixth Company. Can I ask who you are?"

I opened my mouth to state my name, then closed it in confusion. I searched my mind for the answer, but came up blank. I couldn't remember a single thing. The names, Kuchiki Rukia and Kuchiki Byakuya, sounded familiar, but I had no idea why. "I don't know," I told Rukia, taking another sip of tea.

"Do you remember how you got into the sakura gardens?" Rukia asked.

"Sorry," I said quietly.

Rukia sighed. "Fine. Well, do you remember this?" She got up and went over to the table again, reaching under it and drawing something out. She held it out to me.

It was the black katana – my katana. I set the tea down and grabbed it greedily, needing to hold it. A feeling of comfort and security spread through me as I clutched it tight to my chest. A feeling like a sigh echoed in my mind, like the katana was glad it was with me.

"Is that your zanpaku-to?" Rukia asked. The word seemed familiar, like 'Kuchiki', but I didn't know what it meant. Still, I nodded. Rukia sighed again. "I suppose it makes sense. You do have a pretty high reiatsu level."

"Rukia. May I enter?" his voice came from the door.

"Yes, nii-sama. Come in," Rukia replied.

He slid open the door and walked in, dressed as he was in the pictures, his air just as commanding and superior as the first time I had encountered him. I dropped my katana and bowed deeply to him, my forehead touching the bedcovers.

**XOXOXOX**

I looked up as Rukia reentered the room, wiping away the last flecks of oil on the black blade of my katana, leaving it shining and spotless.

"Nii-sama is going to enroll you in the Shinoreijutsuin. You need a name."

"Shin'i," I replied, the word falling from my lips before I had even known it was there. "Saka…su Shin'i."

Rukia smiled. "Fine. I'll go tell nii-sama. You're in luck – the new semester starts in only a week. Until then, nii-sama has said you can stay in the Kuchiki shitei." She bowed slightly and walked back out of the room, sliding the door shut.

"Sakasu Shin'i," I said softly, wondering where it had somefrom. I somehow knew that it hadn't been my name before. Pondering it, I slid the katana back into the smooth sheath.

**XOXOXOX**

"Sakasu! Sakasu-chan! Wait up!"

Shin'i turned to see Asano Keigo running down the hallway of the Shinoreijutsuin toward her. Arisawa Tatsuki followed him more slowly, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, Sakasu-chan, do you wanna study together?"Asano asked, bent over with his hands on his knees, catching his breath, looking up at her hopefully.

His head suddenly shot forward, a fist occupying the place it had just been. "Baka. You just mean you want her to help you with history so you just might pass the test tomorrow. You don't have to shout at her."

Asano rubbed the back of his head, now laying on the floor. "Ow, Tatsuki-chan, was that really necessary?" he whined, glaring up at her. "And you know I've never been good at history."

Arisawa snorted. "Whatever. So Sakasu, whaddaya say?"

Shin'i nodded. "That would be fine," she said. She enjoyed the company of the two former humans. Asano was a good-hearted, unstoppable, 23-year-old goofball, and Arisawa kicked ass in any fight.

"Great! Thanks, Sakasu-chan. I'm freaking out about the test. And the trip to the world of the living next week."

"You lived there until three years ago," Shin'i pointed out.

"Yeah, but this'll be my first time there as a shinigami! I mean, technically, I'm dead. No one will be able to see me! And we'll be fighting hollows and stuff!" Asano said. He used his hands a lot when he talked.

**XOXOXOX**

"I still can't believe that Shinji guy used to be a captain," Asano complained. The three students were sitting around a low table in Shin'i's dorm room, as she was the only one without a roommate, courtesy of the Kuchiki family.

"Shut up about it already, Keigo!" Arisawa said, finally losing her patience.

"You don't have to be so –"

"Urusai!"

Shin'i smiled into her palm. It was relaxing, watching the two of them interact so openly. She continued to write in answers to questions about past captains, the argument familiar background noise.

"So, where're we going for the trip again, Sakasu?" Arisawa asked, abandoning the argument.

"Kyoto, for a week," Shin'i replied.

"Ah, that's right. I've never been there. It should be fun." Arisawa gathered her work together. "Orihime's coming on the trip, too. Apparently they want a strong healer there, just in case."

Shin'i was reminded that these two classmates of hers, while not particularly famous in their own right, were close friends with many heroes of the Winter War. They even knew Rukia-sama fairly well. They never treated it like anything, though, so she usually forgot about all of that.

Arisawa yawned widely. "That's weird, I don't feel that tired," she said. But, I guess I'll go to bed. We do have that test tomorrow, after all. See ya in the morning, Sakasu. C'mon, Keigo," she finished, getting up and pulling a tired, drooping Asano to his feet. "'Night," she threw over her shoulder as she left the room.

Shin'i found herself yawning as well. She turned the lights off and undressed, leaving only her underwear and the white shift before sliding into bed, pulling the blankets up high around her and holding her zanpaku-to close. It helped her to sleep when she had it with her. Soon, her mind drifted into deep dreams.

**XOXOXOX**

"All right, does everyone have their gigais and Soul Candy? I'm opening up the senkaimon now. Let's go!" Tokuri Kuriya, the eighth seat of Seventh Company, was leading the trip. Inoue Orihime stood next to her. The fifth year students (although, technically, Arisawa, Asano, and Shin'i were third-years) followed the two officers through the senkaimon in their gigais.

Shin'i looked around as they stepped into the world of the living. It was only her third time there, the first two times being for simple training missions, and her first time in a gigai. They were in an abandoned lot. Tokuri led them down the street, the group passing busy humans on their way home from work. She would have liked to kneel down and run her hand over the hard concrete under her feet, to see what it felt like, but they had to keep walking.

They reached the hotel quickly. They waited, milling about in the lobby and looking around them with curious gazes as Inoue and Tokuri checked them in, then split up to go to their rooms as Tokuri told them what number they were in and gave them their key card, which many looked suspiciously, unsure of exactly how they actually worked. Arisawa and Shin'i were in the same room.

Their bags were light, and they didn't even bother to unpack. Shin'i walked around the room, touching fabrics and surfaces and looking curiously at the large black screen and 'remote'. Arisawa called the first shower, and Shin'i didn't mind at all. She was content to play around with the 'remote' and figure out how to use the 'TV'.

**XOXOXOX**

"Sakasu! Behind you!"

Shin'i spun around, slicing out with her black zanpaku-to. It cleaved through the mask of a low-grade hollow that had snuck up on her. It dissolved, its screams fading away.

"Awesome!" Arisawa said, running over and re-sheathing her own zanpaku-to, a tanto, in the sheath on her thigh. They were patrolling tonight, as were a couple of other pairs of fifth-years. So far, only one student had been seriously injured, and Inoue-san had fixed him right up. All of the students had been amazed when Inoue had carried him into his room, bleeding heavily from his stomach and forehead and unconscious, and he had walked out a minute later, as good as new. Tokuri and Inoue joined the patrols, too. Shin'i had seen Inoue destroy a hollow by splitting it in half with a fairy-like creature that manifested from her hairpins. She rarely even seemed to bother to draw her zanpaku-to.

"Thanks," Shin'i said to Arisawa, returning her friend's enthusiastic high-five.

Suddenly a bright light appeared, speeding toward them – a cero. Neither would have been able to dodge it in time. A glowing triangular shield materialized between them and the cero just in time, halting the deadly light until it dissipated. Inoue shun-poed into place in front of them, the shield breaking apart.

"Orihime-chan," Tatsuki said, startled but not confused or frightened.

"I'll take care of this, Tatsuki-chan," Inoue said, drawing her grey zanpaku-to.

A figure stepped out of the evening shadows from the direction the cero had come. "Well, well, if it isn't Aizen's pet," he jeered. He wore tattered white robes and had a hollow hole and a smooth, white helmet atop his head, but his face was visible and he carried a zanpaku-to. He was an arrancar, a nearly extinct type of being. He raised his fist and swung it forward, a round plate of light erupting from it. The smaller red light also collided with the golden shield, which had quickly appeared and disappeared again.

"Seep in loneliness, Kodokunatsuki," Inoue whispered. At first, nothing seemed to happen.

"Ha! What was that supposed to do, pet?" the arrancar taunted, lifting his zanpaku-to. Then he frowned, looking at it. His eyes gradually became duller, and he dropped his arm to his side, his fingers loosening and the zanpaku-to clattering to the ground. He dropped to his knees, his arms hanging limply and his eyes going blank. Inoue had stayed motionless the whole time. Now, she lept forward, her sword slashing down, the arrancar dissolving.

"Kaiho," she said, and sheathed her sword.

"Whoa, Orihime, you never told me you could do that. What was that?" Arisawa asked, running over to her.

Inoue smiled softly at her. "I took away his 'will'," she said, looking up at the sky. "Anyway, Tatsuki-chan, Sakasu-chan, we should go back –"

She broke off suddenly, startled by the sudden appearance of several huge reiatsus. Behind the three women, a senkaimon appeared, and a woman with gold hair and a golden shihakusho stepped out. In the sky a second later, a huge tear appeared, three Menos Grande reaching out.

The woman glanced up at the three Menos. "Pests," she said, and pointed three fingers at them. A dart composed of golden reiatsu sped from each finger, impaling themselves in the Menos' foreheads, their masks shattering and the Menos themselves dissolving. The three behemoths were gone in seconds.

The woman looked at Shin'i intently. "Who are you?" Inoue asked.

"Isanchi Koei," the woman replied offhandedly, striding over to Shin'i and grabbing her chin, tugging her face up to examine it. "Tch." The grabbing hand dropped away. It's as He said. Good luck, Batsu," she said scathingly. "Enjoy it while it lasts." She whirled around, shun-poing back through the senkaimon, the doors snapping shut behind her, leaving Arisawa, Inoue, and Shin'i staring in bewilderment at the place it had just been.

"Wh-wha –" Arisawa managed. "What the _hell_ was that?"

Shin'i frowned, trying to place the golden woman. _Batsu…_ That was what the woman had called her… She shivered unconsciously. The encounter had put a bad taste in her mouth. She didn't want to know who the woman was and why she knew her. She had a strange, foreboding feeling that if she did know, she wouldn't be Shin'i anymore. She would be… "Batsu," she whispered, putting a hand to her temple. "Puishment…"

She clutched at her suddenly pounding head, bending in two and gasping for breath. Darkness began to crawl at the corners of her eyes, the world spinning, images of thousands of bloody and mutilated bodies flashing in front of her eyes. She cried out, seeing herself with a black blindfold and tight black clothes covered in a dark, heavy liquid and holding a long kunai in her hand, the same dark red liquid dripping from the point, a sea of the dead stretching out in front of her, her face an emotionless mask –

The pain and images suddenly drained away, leaving her feeling lethargic, the world dull but stable and solid. She slid her eyes upwards, barely registering that she was on her knees and certainly not caribng, and saw Inoue standing over her, holding out her sword. _Will_… it could obviously take away other things as well. Emotions… pain… memories… had those been memories? She wasn't sure, didn't care now.

"Go to sleep," Inoue ordered gently, and Shin'i's eyes closed, her mind going blank.

**XOXOXOX**

_Eleven years earlier…_

"You hate them, don't you?"_ The smooth voice penetrated her ears. The young woman was dressed all in tight black, a silk blindfold obscuring her eyes. She shuddered, a wave of bloodlust rolling through her thin frame before she clamped it down. No. She did _not_ hate them. She was emotionless. Her reason for existing was to punish their enemies. Her soul was streaked with blood, and yet not of it was her desire. She was the perfect slave, immensely strong, unquestioning of orders, uncaring of life or morals, willing to do anything her sisters, her masters, wished her to do…_

"And that's why you hate them, isn't it? That's the reason you want to soak your hands and your blade in their blood, to do everything to them they made you do to all of those people…" _The voice shattered her control again, and she doubled over, shivers wracking her lithe frame, her face twisted in loathing. It was true, wasn't it? She was supposed to be the loyal on, the mindless slave, the one who everyone could trust because she had no one else to go to. That was why she had done it, wasn't it? She had…_

_For the first time in her life, she had made a decision on her own. She had defied centuries, millennia of servitude, and she had betrayed her masters. Or, they weren't her masters anymore, were they? Her new master was the one with the beautiful voice…_

_Aizen was far from perfect. But her allowed her to choose a different path, and he did not resent her for the choices she made. He would not hesitate to slit her in two if she betrayed him, but that was life. He would not hate her for it if she did, either, though her would be disappointed in her. He was not sickened by her acts of destruction and carnage, unlike even the very people who ordered her to do those things. To him, she was not dirty, a murderer born in Hell, inferior to all others, undeserving of basic human kindness or even pity. And because of that, she was now loyal to him, rather than the people who called themselves her 'sisters'. She was not disillusioned. She knew that Aizen was only interested in using her. But she had taken her chance for freedom._

_It had been one hundred years ago when Aizen had first planted the seeds of rebellion in her. All through that time, she had known Aizen's every movement. She could not see his shikai, after all, and she was the leader of the Royal Guard's Onmitsukidou. But, for a reason she had not understood, she had refrained from reporting him or killing him. When he abandoned the Soul Society, she finally understood. It was hope that she had felt, and, more than that, a desperate, burning, primal need for freedom. She had gone to him, breaking free of her masters' control over her. He had helped her to understand what freedom meant. And she had ensured that the Royal Guard would not be able to interfere with his plans. Only Ichimaru, Tosen, and the highest four Espada had even known of her existence._

_When Aizen had been captured, the last fragments of the walls that had imprisoned her soul had finally crumbled. Now, it was all she could do to control her ravenous bloodlust. The sleeping monster inside of her had awoken._

_She sagged against the wall, breathing heavily, her need to kill those who had suppressed her growing. She pushed herself up and set off down the hallway again._

_The hallway was narrow, low, and roughly cut from solid stone. It was lit by dim kidou set into the wall every twenty feet or so. It branched off crazily and curved every which way. She chose her path without hesitation – this was a place only she was allowed to go._

_Various rooms in this labyrinth held prisoners, some slowly starving to death, some shackled to the wall, signs of tourter clear on their naked bodies. Some rooms held stores of weapons, extremely rare collections of manuscripts dating back to the founding of the Soul Society, labs where she performed experiments or forced her prisoners to. One room, the farthest down and hardest to find, housed her sleeping quarters, personal items – what very few she had – and, most precious to her, a garganta. Only an hour ago, she had exited that garagnta, after finding nearly all of the Espada and their fraccion dead, as well as Tosen and Ichimaru. In the short time she had really known Aizen's two followers and three of the Espada (not Barragan, because he was too arrogant to accept her), she had grown fond of them. It was a strange feeling, but warm. And then icy, when she had heard the news from a small arrancar she had modified to spy for her. Only one Espada had been alive when she had reached him – the sexta, Grimmjow. One who had always fought with Ulquiorra. She healed him, then left Las Noches and Hueco Mundo. It was too painful, a new feeling for her._

_It was when she had returned that the bloodlust had taken hold. She had flown out of her room, desperate to get to the outside, where her sisters were. Her sisters._

_She knew what they said about the four of them, her and her three elder sisters. "When Koei was born, the angels sang. When Sokan was born, the angels danced. When Heiwa was born, God smiled. And when Batsu was born, the devil laughed." It made the monster inside of her rage._

_She burst from the exit – a thick clay door set into the side of a hill – and stopped abruptly, sensing the army laid out in a circle around her. Two swords were crossed over her throat – a golden broadsword and a bloodred katana. Koei, in her commanding glory, stood on her right. Sokan, the violent, loud one, Koei's right hand, stood on her left. She hadn't expected them to be ready for her, but she didn't care. It made finding them all the easier._

_A feral snarl ripped from her throat, and she yanked the kunai that was her zanpaku-to free from its place in her thigh, ready to tear into the flesh of the former masters._

_Suddenly, though, she was locked in place, unable to move so much as a finger. Her body was screaming in pain and her mind was going insane from terror, elation, and bloodlust. The Soul King did not often interfere, but when he did…_

_A white katana impaled her though her heart. "Bitch!" a high voice shrieked in her ear. "Demon! We all knew you were spawn of the devil, unfit to live! Now die, you worthless traitor!" This was supposed to be Heiwa, the kind, peaceful girl all of the Royal Guard saw her as? These people called themselves her sisters?_

_The golden broadsword slit her from throat to pelvis. "Maggot, traitor, you don't even deserve a name. You don't deserve anything but hell, and that's where you're headed. We finally uncovered you lies, your backstabbing. You worked for him all along. We've been so kind to you all these thousands of years, even though you're a monster. You're a freak with no emotions. Rot for eternity!"_

_The pain was overwhelming, snapping her mind and her soul. She was reduced to an animal, uncomprehending, thinking of nothing but _stopping the pain_. She couldn't do anything but feel agony and hatred, and if this went on for a second longer, she would never be able to feel anything else again. Howls spilled from her mouth, and she tried desperately to move something, anything._

_Suddenly, a cool wave washed over her, dampening everything. The voice that had broken her chains now gave her an anchor and restored her sanity. _"Everything will be fine, Batsu – no, think of a new name. That one is a curse. I'll save you, even though I can't save myself – something wants me to. You can have a new life. Do with it what you wish."_ The girl that used to be Batsu was dissolving, the people that used to be her masters watching in astonishment. Everything slowly faded away, even the memories she had thought burned into her mind. Even the agony, _even the hate_. A content, safe feeling washed over her. _"Good luck. It's up to you now."

**XOXOXOX**

**AN:**

**To continue or not to continue, that is the question. I think this works good as a one-shot, but I also have some ideas for explanation or continuing plot. The end kinda leavins ya hanging, don'tcha think? Or maybe not, I dunno. Please let me know what you'd like!**

**Explanation time (cuz not everything might make complete sense to you): At the end, Aizen is the one talking to her. He can do that and help her because the Hogyoku wants him to. He also kind of sympathizes with her because of her hatred for her 'masters' and the fact that she was so alone (not that he'd ever admit it to anyone).The end takes place about a day after the battle at the fake Karakura Town, but she only appeared in Byakuya's garden eight years later because it took so long for all her memories, pain, hate, etc. to be stripped away. The humans (the entire Kurosaki family, Orihime, Chad, Uryu, and Mizuiro) came to the Soul Society five years after Aizen got locked away. Everything's cannon, Ichigo did lose his powers for a little while. Tatsuki and Keigo came three years after the rest of 'em, 'cuz they're the ones with families. Koei is still the Supreme Commander of the Royal Guard. Shin'i is now, like, sponsored by the Kuchikis and basically a retainer. The Isanchis (Koei, Bastu, etc.) are the first of the Four Great Noble Houses. The Menos appeared because they were attracted to Koei's immense spiritual pressure - it's close to the soutaichou's. The 'He' Koei refers to when she's speaking to Shin'i is the Soul King, who knows about Batsu becoming Shin'i.**

**Name meanings:**

**Batsu - 'Punishment'**  
><strong>Shin'i - 'True Meaning'<strong>  
><strong>Sakasu - 'nest on a hill' (I just wanted sommat that sounded pwetty.)<strong>  
><strong>Koei - 'Honor'<strong>  
><strong>Sokan - 'Glory'<strong>  
><strong>Heiwa - 'Peace'<strong>  
><strong>Isanchi - 'Blood Legacy'<strong>

**Please Review! They make me happy!**


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